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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in life with mia's LiveJournal:

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Monday, August 20th, 2012
11:55 am
Pleassssseeeee help me
Okay, how can I get out of this vicious binging and purging cycle that’s become a habit? Bulimia used to work well for rapid weight loss but after a little over a month this time, I’ve barely noticed a difference. I’m becomming extremely desperate and panicked, especially considering that after battling anorexia to my ultimate 80 pounds and consequently forced to eat, the slightest weight gain sent me into an ’all or nothing’ depression where I gave up completely and resorted to lying in bed for 3 months, waking only to eat binge-quantity amounts many times each day so that I’d be able to fall right back asleep. I finally broke this habit and began purging regularly after the binges I’d practically addicted myself to, and even though in the past bulimia has caused rapid weight loss for me, this time things are moving incredibly slow. Since my terrible decicions have affected my body in an unacceptable way I must start losing this weight a lot quicker. Any tips or advice? Much needed and greatly appreciated!
Friday, July 4th, 2008
6:32 pm
in a good place...
I'm still doing really good. I'm like 10 lbs away from my goal weight! I can wear the cute clothes I wanted to wear and have them fit the way I like. I was a little nervous because today my family is having dinner at my cousin's house. They have just blessed the food and everyone is eating. I fixed a plate b/c I would have really stood out if I didn't. We don't sit at one table and eat we sort of find places through out the house to eat so I hid in one of the little kids rooms with my little sis and got on my laptop. Okay, this isn't ED related but I am really into graffiti art. Not going out and vandalizing but the art of it. Does anyone know any good graffiti sites to go to?

Current Mood: cheerful
Monday, June 23rd, 2008
1:06 am
Hey girls! Are you looking for a more active community to visit? Well, I've created a new ED community called Weightless Dolls. It is completely unmoderated and there's always posting going on! Open membership.. so come join and introduce yourself :)


<3 Ruby
Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
6:17 pm

sup everyone im new to this whole thing. 
i been mia for a year stoped (forced) now im starting up again.
age: 16

i gained a bunch of weight since i stopped and im going to lose it and get to my goal weight.
stop by and say hi :D

1:34 pm
Hello everyone,new here :)
gender: F
age: 17
height: 5'6
cw:107.8 lbs / 49 kg
gw:100 lbs / 45.5 kg
i don't know my lowest&highest weight :| cause I didn't like to scale myself much before. my weight last month was like 114 lbs so I'm happy I lost weight but now my breasts are smaller! >_< have any of you experienced this when you lost weight?

anyways, I checked out my bmi and according to this,  I am anorexic since my bmi is exactly 17.4  well I don't really consider myself as  "anorexic thin"  and you guys probably won't either cause  I look really fat  lol. I'm kinda tired of purging so today and tomorrow I won't eat anything since wednesday is my "no eating day" and I won't on thursday too because I need to punish myself for eating a lot yesterday which I purged but still guilty u_u
uhm oh, and I also consider myself pescetarian(somewhat like vegetarian but eat seafood) though if ever I do eat any seafood I purge it anyways so yeah..

Current Mood: bored
Sunday, June 1st, 2008
10:38 pm

So im new obviously...Just wanted to give a brief info of my ed. Bulimic for a few years, anorexic for at least 2 years before tthats. Went  away to college and started taking laxatives,which led to purging. I dont  really "binge" much. I mean i have a day or 2 out of the month,but mainly i purge 3 times a day,regular meals.I have the  urges to binge but i can control them and put off eating till later.I decide to try and get help one time at college,then couldnt afford a therpist after i recently graduated. But i dont thinbk it was doing crap for me anyway. I think i stopped for like a week. Anyways,been on effexor for a year,coming off of it cuz i really dont need it for depression anymore,But ya,,,the bulima is still very much there. Im like a happy bulimic now..i guess..no but really,i dont think it will ever stop...i ok just saying hi...

My stats: Ht: 5'1

CW: :116
HW: 133
LW: 103
Short term GW: 108
Long term GW: 98 lbs
ED: Ana/Mia
How long: 5 years
Gender: F
Age: 24

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
1:03 pm
Hiya.  Im new to this world of online journaling, but think im going to like it... Thought i would do a little intro.  Ive seem to have made best friends with Mia and Ana for years now... almost 10.  Mia has been around for 5.   I am attempting to recover, aka switch back over and play with Ana as mia was making my belly bloated and face fat... but man do i miss eating whatever i wanted...

My stats:
a: 24
h: 5'7"
hw: 136
lw: 114
gw: 115
cw:  my scale claims i am 126, however the gym "robot" says that I am "29 and looking great!" WTF!  all i know is i am not happy at all....

my boyfriend is taking me out to a really nice steak restaurant tonight... im debating if i should i give in, or be good ... I guess what im saying... I am having a nice dinner if i like it or not.  shall i let Mia out to play?

Current Mood: blah
Monday, May 12th, 2008
6:18 pm
 Well, today I had 2 bowls of cereal about 4 oreos and a small sandwich. I did great sat. and sun. but I took some morphine and methadone which made me so sick in a way that the only thing that was really wrong is I couldnt eat or drink ANYTHING. Everything had a spoiled taste like I tried a bite of chocolate and it tasted like extremely spoiled chocolate milk. I tried coffee it tasted gross. I mean I tried and tried but couldnt drink anything. The guy I got the stuff from was kinda crazy when I met him he had some stubble and was dressed 1/2 like a women....yeah. He told me he liked me b/c I was what he wanted to be. He said he wanted to be a pretty black girl( he's white). I'm really girly and you can tell I guess by looking at me. I wear heals everyday makeup, my hair is always long, my nails are always done and really hippy and the large boobs and stuff so he said he wanted me to teach him  how to be a girl. So I didnt have to pay for the drugs I just had to do his makeup and show him how to walk and stuff.So yeah I had a pretty normal weekend.<lj-cut text = thinso><a href="http://s255.photobucket.com/albums/hh133/tracina19/?action=view&current=fashionmarc-jacobs-quilted-stam.png" target="_blank"><img src="http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh133/tracina19/fashionmarc-jacobs-quilted-stam.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><a href="http://s255.photobucket.com/albums/hh133/tracina19/?action=view&current=fashionmarissauntitled.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh133/tracina19/fashionmarissauntitled.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><a href="http://s255.photobucket.com/albums/hh133/tracina19/?action=view&current=fashionmarykateano3.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh133/tracina19/fashionmarykateano3.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><a 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Thursday, May 1st, 2008
8:19 pm
I'm doing good so far. I hope this is the start of a 10 day fast.GivingCollapse )
1:18 am
Well im supposed to be going to london to study after summer my mum is acting all concerned as ive only started getting myself back into a normal eating routine. . . well so she thinks. Ok i havent purged as much but its been a freaking week. A few weeks ago she found out about this whole mia thing and has been acting all weird i have to sit at the table eat infront of her and whats more awkward is my dad doesnt have a clue about whats going on. only my mum knows after me coming home in tears after a night out, and my bf split up with me. I was so0o drunk and was hysterical, saying stuff like "he broke up with me, its cause im fat... you have no idea... its so hard living with this and no one knows and sometimes all i want is out but i cant ... its harder without the control...!" basically i have no idea how she understood me cause when i say i was hysterical mean super hysterical!  and extremely drunk to top it off and i hadnt eaten in about 2 days so u can imagine.

Ive been this was for 3-4 years, my weight constantly fluctuating up and down up and down up n .... to my mum its just the norm now. i gain during winter a lose through summer. It kinda sucks though :( i just wish sometimes i could sit down face to face with someone and spill everything, whilst sobar. I wish i could just live without thinking about me being fat, about calories, about food just for one day live without these thoughts... EVEN an hour cause i swear one doesnt go by without me thinking "bitch shes so skinny" or " theres so many cals in that...*bitin my lip* id have to get rid of etc..." even in the freakin street if i see someone eating im counting the calories. Peoples shopping baskets i count all the cals in them too. Its rediculous. But as stupid as it may sound its my life and wither i like it or not im living with it, all because i let myself get in too deep... :(
Monday, April 21st, 2008
8:44 pm
i feel like shit, but i'm remaining calm.
i weighed myself today and seriously had a panic attack. i'm at 149.2 and a body mass index of 23.3-- which is normal for my size but i don't want to be normal. (normal BMI is 18.5-24.9, which means i'm in the mid to high range for my size).
i want to be skinny and feel in my body.
this means i have gained 22lbs since i got out of the hospital three months ago. 22lbs in three months. that's 7lbs a month.
to put it into perspective even better, i have regained ALL the weight i had lost in the three months before the hospital.
i have to not let this bother me and remain stable but it's hard. people tell me all the time i look fine, or skinny, or not fat -- and i am deep down happy with my body -- but when clothes don't fit the same way as they used to or my face looks a little chunkier in the jawline, i freak.
deep breath in, and release.
part of me wants to starve myself for three days and then lax. which i will do. i'm hungry now but don't want to satisfy my body. i want my mind to take control of it. part of me wants to eat something small, just as a last supper before this three day fast. i don't know what to do.
and i can't rely on bulimia anymore because i've been purging for a year. and i don't mean just here and there, i mean at least 4 or 5 days a week, sometimes several times a day. my body can't gag itself anymore unless i super-binge to the point it hurts.
i can't even buy any diet pills that have ephedrine (off the internet from the states) because i don't have a credit card anymore because i claimed bankruptcy.
this is so hard and you are the only person i can share it with right now in my life that will know not just what i mean, but where i'm coming from.
deep breath in, and release.
starting tomorrow i will be ana. i will not let myself have more than 200 calories/day on tuesday, wednesday, or thursday, preferably less than 200 calories but i realize i might have to have some chicken stock or something. i'm at the point where i don't even want to chew gum because it has 5 calories. i might let myself eat on friday.
i don't know if i can do it though, i don't want to be tired or anything at work. but the way i look at it my body has ample amount of fat to keep it running. i really want to be ana for three days, jake, three full days. is it sad that's the top goal in my life right now? can i do it?
and it's such a double edged sword because my Zyprexa meds are what has caused this, i've done my research. but i have to take them to remain stable, i have too much riding on it (mind you, if i didn't take my zyprexa i would still be on lithium). i just don't know anymore jake.
thank you for listening. i feel relieved.
Sunday, April 20th, 2008
12:15 pm
i'm terrified to look at the scale because i have been eating voraciously and not purging. my guess is i'm back up to 142 (from 134 a couple weeks ago) or maybe even more. yesteryday i purged for the first time in about a week and i remembered what it felt like to have that high, that control

but today is an ana day... i'm allowing myself a sugarfree redbull for breakfast (10 cal) and a couple cups of black coffee (10 cal each). and cigarettes. and that's it. i don't want to go overboard because purging is becoming a bit of a struggle for me -- i used to be able to get rid of the smallest amount of something ingested but now I have to full-on binge to get it out. and that makes me nervous that i won't get it out, which of course tenses up my body and becomes a self-fulfilling procphecy. SO, that is why ana is in order today. i might use some heavy-duty dosage of laxatives later tonight.

i will weight myself when i wake up in the morning tomorrow.
Thursday, March 27th, 2008
7:44 pm
i'm down 6 pounds, from 142 to 136. i binged and purged twice (big amount) tonight and then had a bedtime snack. ana again tomorrow. going home to visit family on the weekend so i have to be careful not to not eat too much or to purge when anyone is around. my goal is to maintain this weight of 136 or go down to 134 by monday or tuesday next week. i think my short term goal is now 129, 7 pounds away. then through time i can work my way down toe about 124.
Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
10:55 am

                  Morning All.....
         Can sum1 plz explain how ABC works.....the diet plan??

Just am starting it 2day and i think the infor i've got is wrong.

Tilly Xxx

Current Mood: curious
Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
11:52 am
hi, my name is damien and i'm new to the community. i need a place to be dedicated to ana/mia again because i've been off track since getting out of the hospital (was in the psych unit for two weeks for a manic episode). i was the perfect body size for me when i went in to the hospital. when i was in the hospital i purged at least once, sometimes twice, a day in there but then a new med caused me to gain back around 20 lbs. fuck. i used to have a close friend who was like a mia buddy but not she's not doing it anymore. so i've been mostly mia with 2 or 3 day fasts but it's hard not to binge. i'm currently starting a 3 day fast of water and the odd red bull. anyway bla bla bla... it's such a long story and i can't type it all at once right now. i just hope this forum can help me deal with my struggles but also celebrate my achievements. i think of bulimirexia as a strategy not a disorder and am looking forward to posting here.

current weight: 142
high weight: 162
low weight: 117
short term goal weight: 127
long term goal weight: 119
strategy: ana/mia
how long: 1 year, (did for 9 months the first time when i was 22)
gender: M
age: 25
Friday, March 7th, 2008
3:48 pm
 I'm trying to fast..because things won't come up as easy anymore.  got through yesturday.  I'm light headed and can't sleep at all..I want to b&p.
Tuesday, February 19th, 2008
1:37 pm
im new
name: meaghan
age: 17
height: 5'2
ed: ana/mia

i just fucked up:/ sorry for the language. then i just purged.

what am i going to do?:(
Monday, February 18th, 2008
1:47 am
I'm new (thus the subject line "newbie" lol)...
I have a blog that I maintain on a daily basis here that is all about my life as a secret bulimic...I thought I'd join Live Journal to see what it's like for other's to be going through the same thing...

My stats:

CW: 162 lbs
HW: 215 lbs
LW: Birth weight!
Short term GW: 150 lbs
Long term GW: 100 lbs
ED: Mia
How long: 4 years
Gender: F
Age: 23

Current Mood: Hungry!
Thursday, February 7th, 2008
12:18 am
Just promoting my tshirts, thought yall might want to see! Thanks
Saturday, October 13th, 2007
12:13 am
write me back with thoughts . . .

Hey everyone,

this post may seem a little weird but bear with me,

im a photography student at ryerson university in toronto, im in my last year (fourth) and im working on my final project. the focus of my project is girls who live with, or are recovering from, or who have had an eating disorder. this project is very personal to me as i lived with ana and mia for five years. i used to visit all of these sites and coming  back to them has brought up alot of all memories of the girls i met over these sites and the support i recieved. i am not fully recovered but i am really looking into the pressures and feelings that go along with this and im reflecting alot on my own life and the effects of this. my photos will be only from the shoulder up, a classic headshot, because i dont want each photo to be about the body at all. my purpose is to bring awareness to this and put a face to this struggle. i also want to get rid of stereotypes i have found people have about girls who obsess with what they eat. people have very strong assumptions which i want to change.
i have the upmost respect for everyone im shooting and im looking for anyone of any age and colour. i am willing to go a distance from toronto so you dont have to come to me if youre not able or comfortable.

if any of you are willing to sit for me or talk to me about this you have no idea what that would mean to me,

please visit my site at www.kajatirrul.com just to see that im legitimate.

if you go under contacts youll see my email and number in case you want to talk to aside from livejournal.

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